Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
God gave him joint rollers for hands
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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