dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
