nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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