I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize