i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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