I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
