Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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