You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
