You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
