So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
