So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
