arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
