This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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