Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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