My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
