I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
