we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
