He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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