I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
