there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
