Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
