Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
