Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
