I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
