brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
