her vagine was all disorganized.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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