In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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