Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
