I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
