i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
you never un-have a 4some
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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