They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
