By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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