I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
