I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize