Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
is it fun? or sober?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
