I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
