she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I want to be your penis for a week.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My dick has a subreddit
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
