I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
