two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
