He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
