Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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