Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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