i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
