i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
