Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
