ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
