Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
