if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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