we have pet lesbian snakes
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My ass is underappreciated
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
