i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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