I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
