I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Randomize
