I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
