Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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