There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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