Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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