Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
