YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The Olympian is in my bed
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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