new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
