grandma shit on top of the toilet
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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