His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
