I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
